vagina is talking i cant
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm at about main and main street
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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