my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
