Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
