Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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