I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
