The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
