turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
