...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
