If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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