the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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