My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
