i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
