how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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