I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize