Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
