Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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