I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
