don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
