its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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