i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
