i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
