gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
