Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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