Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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