sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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