Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize