SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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