I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I would ride that face into the sunset
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
