I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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