you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
