Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
