He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
