Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
