Plan B is the new Plan A
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Randomize
