So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize