with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
