Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
