I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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