So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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