Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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