where am i from again
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
