So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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