I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
