I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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