When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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