Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
