I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
