She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
