I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
