Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
