my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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