I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
