I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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