Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
