I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize