I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
