it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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