Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we're so committed to being not committed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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