See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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