weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
