Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
