I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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