If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
