I can't watch pbs sober anymore
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
