just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
