we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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