So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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