I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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