Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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